Two men met at a Christian conference. Man A eyed man B suspiciously before striking up a conversation. The following back and forth ensued:
Man A: What’s that Bible you have there?
Man B: Hello to you too. It’s an ESV.
Man A: Oh, well that’s pretty good I guess…. Luther or Calvin?
Man B: I’m sorry?
Man A: Luther or Calvin?
Man B: Ah, well, Calvin I supp-
Man A: Yes! Yes, good, Calvin!
Man B: Ah, OK, good. Look, my name’s Greg. It’s nice to meet you.
Man A: Greg you say. Well Greg, Trinitarian and all that?
Man B: Yes, of course.
Man A: Of course, of course. Now, think fast: Pre, Post, or A?
Man B: I’m sorry, what?
Man A: The millennium! Pre, Post or A?
Man B: Um, well, I don’t- I mean I’m not really decided. Maybe Amillennial, but Postmillennialism could be right, I’ve never really thought hard about tha-
Man A: Ah, well, at least you’re not the other one. Westminster confession?
Man B: Yes, it’s pretty good. Not infallible, mind you, but it’s good.
Man A: Mmmm, sounding a bit liberal there… we’ll work on it. Sola Scriptura?
Man B: Yes, actually. Yes, as long as it’s properly understood.
Man A: Properly understood? That better not be a cop out!
Man B: No, not at all. I just mean that I accept that idea as it was historically understood by the Reformers.
Man A: … alright then. Justification by faith?
Man B: Yes.
Man A: Abortion is wrong right?
Man B: Yes, definitely. It’s like killing anyone else.
Man A: Yes, Amen! Good, good. Same sex marriage. Yes or no?
Man B: No.
Man A: Well said.
Man B: Why are you doin-
Man A: Oh nothing. Nothing, don’t worry. Sounds like you’ll be alright.
Man B: I’m relieved!
Man A: Yes, yes, don’t worry, you’re not like those liberal punks. They’ll be sorry when they end up roasting in hell forever.
Man B: Well you know I’m not really sure that the Bible teaches that that’s what will happ-
Man A: Liberal! Postmodern! You’ve given up a biblical worldview! Heck, you’ve just thrown evangelical Christianity away! You’re so emotional!